Friendship


How many friends do you have? 1?…5?…20?…100?  And, when I say friends don’t include family members.  I’m talking about real friends, true friends.  Of all your friends, how many of them will you invite to your wedding?  How many of them would invite you to theirs?  Would your friends help you move if you asked them?  That is, help you without paying them.  Or, if they do help you they would not break any of your shit!  If you’re feeling down can you call a friend without the call going straight to voice mail?  And, more importantly, if you were out with a friend and caught in a fist fight–would your friend have your back?  Or, would they let you get your ass beat down?

People often ask me to go out, or they ask to do things.  I often decline.  It’s not because I don’t want to go out and do things, but it’s because I like to do things by myself.

I am my only friend.

I have been my only friend for the past 5 years, and I often say that I will make an attempt to befriend people.  Upon doing so, I quickly realize why I dislike people.  Friends have a habit of letting me down.  I guess it is not their fault.  I prefer to think that it is embedded in their DNA.  Growing up in America can do that to people.  I have a hard time with two things in life..selfishness and arrogance.  I despise people who possess these two traits, and it is often hard to find someone who doesn’t.  In my latest job, it is hard to have someone train me.  I guess, in their heads, they think if they train me I would do a better job than them.  I guess that is why I screw up, but I never quit.  Quitting is for losers, and losers never win.

One of the things that I find myself hating, more than anything,  is to move.  I have moved 3 times in the past 5 years.  Once from Rhode Island to Connecticut.  It was for a girl.  The second time was from Connecticut to Rhode Island.  That was due to the break-up…from the girl.  Then my last move, in March of 2010, was from Rhode Island to California.  All of these moves I did by myself.  Upon completion, I felt so proud of myself.  I did it all by myself.  You have no idea how hard it is to move a bedroom set, kitchen set, living room set…all by yourself.  It was in the summer, too.  The sweat pouring from my body was painful!  But, pain is not permanent.  It lasts for a fleeting moment. then subsides.  Over the years I have learned that if anyone asks me for anything, or if they need my help…I tell them I am moving that weekend.  The word “move” has to be the most powerful word in the English language.  You want to find a good way to ditch someone…tell them you are moving, and you need help.

However, if someone is fortunate enough to have some good friends–then that is great.  Those are the friends to have.

Many people tell me how “ballsy” it was for me to drive  cross-country, but I really do not understand why that is.  Choosing to live life friendless has prepared me to be self-sufficient.  At least, that is what I tell myself.  I was overwhelmed by all the support from the people on Twitter and Facebook.  For months people would say, “Hey, when you get here we have to hang out”.  That made me happy, but as the time drew near..the tweets were few and far between.  At least, from the people who live in California.  Many just pretended to have not known that I was making the move.  It is pretty hard to believe when I made over 1,000 tweets that “I’m moving to Cali, bitches!”.  Anyway, I don’t really care about that.

However, there were a couple of people who were genuine.  Two of them gave me their phone numbers.  They told me to call anytime.  One person I called right away.  I felt this connection with her, that i haven’t felt for a while.  She was a little older than me, but that was cool.  We talked for a while, but my gut was telling me there was something wrong about her.  My gut is usually never wrong, but my heart kept saying to push on.  She told me that if I needed a place to stay when I arrived in California I could stay on her couch, and “I could use the money”.  I mean, really…you offer someone space on a couch and then feel the need to charge $100 a week..for a “friend”.

I told her I was all set.  I was staying at the Marriott Courtyard until I found a place to stay.  I found a place to stay after my first day in California.  She was mad, and unfollowed me on Twitter.  Yet again, my gut was right.  No harm, no foul though.  These events make a person stronger.  At least, these events make ME stronger.

Another question that I neglected to ask, and it is probably the most important.  Would a friend ever decide to leave you for a comment that you made?  If that is the case…they never were your friend 😦

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3 thoughts on “Friendship

  1. I have 2 friends that I am not related to or married to that I can count on if I ever need anything. I don’t hang out with them much, we all have lives going on, kids to raise, husbands to raise 😛 But we are geniune friends in the true sense of the word. I don’t need a buddy to hang out with.

  2. The old proverb goes: ‘you must love yourself before you can love others’. Have you ever watched Into the Wild, and how at the end I may quote Alexander Supertramp: “Happyness is only ever shared.” Something to think about.

    I am much in the same boat as you, but my soul has also taught me that everybody out there enters into your life for a reason, and everybody and everything has a message for you.

    Its weird, sometimes sitting on the bus or in a cafe, thinking about how hidden and reserved some people are, and then realizing that you are friends with each and every one of them, willing and happy to start up a meaningful conversation with anybody around you.

    The true test is not about who will stick with you, its about how many people you will leave your sticky residue behind on.

    I am confident that you, Shaggie, leave an impression on everybody you meet, and that you they will remember how they missed an opportunity to help a good fellow.

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