My house is burning down..who do I blame?


POP QUIZ: You’re sprawled out on your couch watching Oprah on your 64 inch Sony Hi-Def Plasma television that you bought for 12 flex pays of $239.99 on the Home Shopping Network.  Your husband is in the bedroom with the door closed surfing porn from the laptop that his Fortune 500 company gave him to do his “business”, and Junior is in his bedroom playing with a book of matches he got from his older brothers “pot stash” that he hides under the bed.  What a perfect family, but Junior got a wee bit over zealous with the book of matches.  You smell smoke.  Hubby would smell smoke, but he has other things stimulating his senses.  You think to your self, hmmmm somebody is cooking a mean BBQ.  You turn your head to see flames coming out of Juniors room.  You bolt out of the couch..Fuck Oprah! Upon entering Juniors room you see that he is hiding under the bed.  He’s not stupid.  He knows as soon as daddy gets his rocks off he is gonna get a major ass whooping.  The flames spread fast.  Daddy, all done with his “bidness” runs into the room.  What the fuck did you do, Junior?  Nothing, junior said with a smile.

Mommy demands that Junior and Daddy exit the house and call the fire department.  Daddy is like, “fuck no…we need somebody to blame.  It was Junior’s fault!!!”  Mommy said, “it was your fault for being so fucking horny that night 5 years ago!!”  Five year old Junior is like, “You guys can talk amongst yourselves…I’m getting the fuck out of here”

Needless to say, the whole damn house burns the fuck down.  Little Junior is standing outside smoking a Marlboro talking to the cops.  “It went down like this, Officer.  Mom and dad were having sex and the bitch knocked over a candle–setting the whole mother fucking house down in flames.  Those bitches better had left me some money, ’cause it ain’t easy being cheesy.

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