I’m just going to come out and say it; I am in love with Ann Coulter. I don’t know what it is, but I absolutely love her. Alright, maybe I do know what it is. Perhaps, it is her long-flowing blond hair followed by her long legs. Maybe, it is her faux accent. Some people say she has a penis, but not me!
Ann has recently taken to Twitter. Her screen name is @AnnCoulter, and I decided to profess my undying love for her. Albeit, in a stalker-ish kind of way. I tweeted how much I loved her. How much I would love to go out with her, and if she would–“…give my black-ass a try”. All of this, and she blocked me. Yep, that is right—she blocked me. Maybe it was because I was just too liberal for her? I am a liberal. Maybe it was because I’m just a “broke dick”—could be, or maybe it was because I showed her a picture of her visible Adam’s apple? She does have one, and I don’t mind it.
I guess the main question still lingers; Is Ann Coulter really a dude? Does she pack a penis? I mean, she can’t pack a penis—she’s a conservative! Conservatives have moral values (lmao). I mean, it’s ok if she packs a penis. It doesn’t detract from the person that she is.
Her dating life has been a secret—until now. I guess the only person—at this moment—who knows the answer to the, “Does Ann Coulter pack a penis” question is—wait for it—Jimmie “J.J.” Walker. Yes! She is dating Jimmie “Dy-no-mite” Walker from the 70’s television series “Good Times”. He is also one of the ugliest men in America—the World!! I’m not a studly-looking fellow, but there are two things that I’m absolutely certain of; I am better looking than Al Roker, and I am most certainly better looking that Jimmie Walker.
So, what gives Ann? Why won’t you give me a try? I know that you would love me. After all, what’s not to love? I’m funny. I’m caring. I will cuddle with you after sex. I wouldn’t ask you out on a date, only to ask to split the bill, and even though we stand on opposite sides of the political spectrum—I love you. And, if you ever took the time to know me—you would love me too!