January 20, 2009 more than two million men, women, children from all walks of life and ethnic diversity flocked to the national mall in Washington, D.C. to witness history. However, behind the scenes, the leaders of the republican party waged a Nancy Reagan “Just Say No” campaign to every single thing that the newly elected president would ever want. Their goal was to make Obama a one-term president. We all know how the economy and the unemployment figures are dismal. President Obama has been at the helm for the last three years. He shares a bulk of the responsibility. With that said; It should have been an easy job to defeat him in the 2012 presidential election, but this is it? This is all you stupid idiots in the republican party have?
Hi, I’m Michele Bachmann. Many people call me stupid. I’m not stupid. You know who’s stupid? It’s the idiots that voted me into the U.S. House of Representatives for three terms. In addition to being called stupid I have been called a retard. I’m not retarded, but you know who is? It’s the thirteen year old’s that get injected with the HPV Vaccine. You darn tooting they are. A woman from Tampa told me that so it’s true despite what doctors say.
Yeeee hawwww from the great State of Texas. I’m the greatest Governor to ever occupy the office. I have created more jobs than Obama. I was born in this Country, and I was a D student…all my life. I’m also proud of the fact that I have executed more people under my ten years as Governor than any other person to ever hold office. I’m also a hard-core pro-lifer, anti-gay marriage, anti-immigration and anti-evolution. I also hate rainbows, unicorns and pixie dust. My favorite color is pink, but if you donate more than $5,000 to my campaign I can change it to whatever you want. I also have nice hair.
Speaking of nice hair
Hello my fellow Americans. My name is Mitt Romney, and I am one of you. I am just an unemployed middle-class American who needs your vote, and I am willing to say anything to make you vote for me. If I say something that bucks the party have no fear, because I will say the complete opposite the very next day. Don’t tell anybody but I was the guy who was the inspiration for ObamaCare. I was for abortion before I was against abortion. I was for gay marriage before I was against. I was for climate change before I was against it. I was a moderate before I was a conservative, and if I don’t get above 25% in the polls I will be a Christian. I will do and say anything to get your vote, but I’m not going to appear on any Sunday talk shows. I’m not even going to appear on FOX News. I’m not going to go on the record on any matter until all the other crazies answer first. I also have very nice hair.
I’m Herman Cain, and I have 999 ways to tell you how so damn horny I am. But I’m not gonna tell you. You’re just gonna have to read my book, “This is Herman Cain: My journey to The White House”, only $19.95 available at any Barnes and Noble stores everywhere. Oh, they’re out of business? What you talking ’bout Willis? I’m the juggernaut bitch. Now, if you’re a hot blonde I can personally deliver it to you. I’ll even be nice enough to autograph it for you with my mayonnaise pen.
If Obama is such a really bad president then why are the republicans having such a hard time trying to find a decent candidate? Oh wait, there is one