PWNED


The following is a conversation that took place on January 25, 1012 at 11:23 a.m. (p.s.t.). One of the names has been changed to protect their stupidity. This is the story.

ME: So, what do you think about Newt Gingrich winning the South Carolina Primary Saturday?
WINGNUT: I’m soooooo happy! How about you?
ME: I’m happy too.
WINGNUT: What? I thought you were a liberal?
ME: I am.
WINGNUT: Than why are you happy?
ME: If Gingrich wins the nomination than Obama will win the election.
WINGNUT: What??? I thought you didn’t like Obama?
ME: Eh, he let me down but he’s better than those other idiots.
WINGNUT: They are not idiots!! They are conservatives with better values than Obama, and any of them will beat that food stamp president.
ME: Food stamp president? You do know that 4.4 million more people were on food stamps under Bush than Obama, right? And what is wrong with people who can’t afford to survive temporarily going on food stamps?
WINGNUT: Oh, please. They’re all lazy bums looking for a Government handout, and I don’t want my tax dollars going to freeloading bums.
ME: Freeloading bums? Weren’t you the one who asked me for a $500 loan because you were having a hard time paying your bills?
WINGNUT: That was different! I would’ve paid you back!
ME: How could I trust you to pay me back if you can’t do something as simple as pay your bills?
WINGNUT: I can’t pay my bills because that stupid Obama is ruining the economy!
ME: Then you believe that Government is responsible for creating jobs?
WINGNUT: No! Government hasn’t created a single job! It’s the private sector that creates jobs!
ME: If Government hasn’t created a single job and it’s the sole responsibility of the private sector to create jobs than why are you blaming Obama for the bad economy?
WINGNUT: You know what I’m talking about! It’s his policies!
ME: You mean his policy of continuing with the Bush tax cuts?
WINGNUT: No! I’m talking about his policy of waging class warfare. Millionaires are already paying enough in taxes, and they shouldn’t be punished for their success!
ME: It sounds like you should find a millionaire to give you a job–or get married.
WINGNUT: You just wait and see! When Newt becomes president things are gonna change, and that will be real change you can believe in.
ME: Sure, tiny school kids will have jobs as janitors.
WINGNUT: There is nothing wrong with janitorial work, and it could do them some good. It will teach them responsibility.
ME: Well, seeing that you’re not responsible enough to pay your bills why don’t you get a job as a janitor?
WINGNUT: Fuck no! I have an education!
ME: If you have education than why are you having such a hard time getting a good paying job?
WINGNUT: I told you!! It’s Obama’s policies!!
ME: So if Obama was not the president than you would have a great paying job with great paying benefits and you wouldn’t have a problem paying your bills or asking me for money to borrow?
WINGNUT: Yes!!!!!!!
ME: Well, let’s pick up on this conversation in 2017.

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