I have often wondered if the decisions I made were ever the right ones. I often wonder if the left turn I took, years ago, should have been a right. I should have zigged when I zagged. Life is funny like that. I find myself at the crossroads once every three years. There is a fork in the road. I don’t know what to do. I can take a left, and three years down the road I will face a dead-end–in which the only direction to go is backwards. Then when I reach that same fork in the road from three years earlier there is only one direction to go. I end up kicking myself in the ass. I find myself second guessing every other decision not realizing that life is a journey. A journey into the unknown. After all, this experiment is not guaranteed. Life should be fun. It is if we allow ourselves to. Lately, I find myself answering all the tough questions by analyzing all the other difficult decisions I have made. It is with this serious introspection that I have come to understand that I haven’t made a wrong decision in my life.
I used to believe that my decision to serve in the military was the single-worst decision I ever made. However, I know better now. I was twenty years old. I had no direction in life, and I didn’t have any other prospects. I made the right decision. I didn’t make a left turn. I didn’t make a right turn. I simply took a detour. Now, don’t get me wrong. I do have many regrets, but I have never regretted any decision I ever made. A certain amount of failure is good from time to time. It makes one tougher, stronger, bolder. If life was easy then it wouldn’t have a purpose. I want to find that purpose.
Some people have it worse off than me. They second guess their relationship choices. The roads I have traveled have often ended in three years or less. Others, however, have traveled farther only to come to a dead-end. Lately, all I ever hear are cries from people who have been jilted. They devote twenty plus years of their lives committed to only one person. Putting aside their dreams, aspirations in lieu of family and a sense of normalcy. In what seems like a blink of an eye the game is over. You took a wrong turn. Relationships are a lot like a seven course meal. In the end, the food will all be gone. It’s just up to you to decide how slow or how fast to eat. Besides, who gives a fuck about being normal anyway?
The Universe doesn’t know the definition of normal. The universe is bound by chaos, thereby making humans slaves to chaos. We all share a beginning and an end. We are not given any explanations. We just exist.
We enter the Earth in the most purest form. We are not born with hate. We are not born with ideology. We are products of our parents. We are new, and with every moment of time that passes by…we become older. In some cases we become fatter, the shell of a person we used to one day love. Things become harder to do. Decisions become harder to form. Risky behavior gets replaced by safety. We teach our children not to do any of the things we did when we were younger while trying to pin all our hopes, dreams and aspirations on them. We tell them which way to turn, but sometimes they have to figure it all out on their own.
Of the forty-one years in my life I have figured out the best way to make a decision is to flip a coin. Heads always wins, and tails are for losers.